Follow by Email

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Top 10 Elm Street Hotties

10) Tuesday Knight as Kristen (A Nightmare on Elm Street 4)
I'll always hold a grudge against Tuesday Knight for not being Patricia Arquette, but realistically, most women aren't. For this, I hold a grudge against genetics. Despite her inferior Kristen, Tuesday brought her own vulnerability and looks to the titular blonde.

9) Amanda Wyss as Tina (A Nightmare on Elm Street 1)
One of the most memorable kills of the series. I wouldn't have worked if it hadn't been such a cute actress clawing her away across the ceiling, while being torn up by Freddy. Everybody remembers the image of a petite blonde in nothing but a button-up shirt.

8) Kim Myers as Lisa (A Nightmare on Elm Street 2)
Jerry Seinfeld may not have been gaga, but you can't help being charmed by the sweetness of this young Meryl Streep look-a-like in the first sequel of the series.
The two of them were also in two of gayest movies of all time, Mamma Mia and A Nightmare Elm Street 2: Freddy's Back and Fabulous!

7) Monica Keena as Lori (Freddy vs. Jason)
Not a Nightmare movie, but I had to include Freddy Vs. Jason's final girl because it's goddamn Monica Keena. She couldn't save the movie but made it slightly more bearable.

6) Heather Langenkamp as Nancy (A Nightmare on Elm Street 1 & 3)
The original girl next door, Heather Langenkamp was not a classic beauty, but her fearlessness and wits used against Freddy made her sexy. She was Freddy's first formidable foe and her struggle couldn't help but make you feel protective. Look past the Robert Plant hair in Nightmare 3 and you've got yourself an unconventional horror babe.

5) Lisa Zane as Maggie (Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare)
You don't need your 3D glasses to see what's exciting about Freddy's daughter Maggie. The idiotic final Freddy movie gave Krueger a daughter. Thankfully she was at least played by one of the most underrated babes of the era. Love that nose.

4) Stacey Alden as Nurse Marcie (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3)
Don't pretend you don't remember the nurse who peeled a layer in Joey's nightmare from heaven. However brief the part, the list wouldn't be honest without her.

3) Patricia Arquette as Kristen (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3)
It's not hard to understand why the male actors of Nightmare 3 had a crush on Patricia. Kristen Parker was adorable, adorable, adorable. I personally feel she deserved the Oscar for this instead of that overrated duck-shit Boyhood, or at least a Chainsaw award. Who's with me?

2) Jennifer Rubin as Taryn (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3)
Kristen may have had the sunny disposition, but Taryn was beautiful AND bad! I remember being 13 and being sent on a Jennifer Rubin kick from my massive Taryn boner.. er... crush. It's unfortunate that Rubin never did another film as good as Dream Warriors.

1) Lisa Wilcox as Alice (A Nightmare on Elm Street 4 & 5)
Back in the day, I'd give her "anything, anything, anything, anything!" Honestly, who didn't fall in love with Alice, the beautiful wallflower who became a warrior? I still don't understand why Lisa Wilcox didn't become a major scream queen.

Honorable Mention: Roseanne Barr as Tom's Arnold's sweaty girlfriend