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Monday, November 25, 2013

Video Game Spotlight #3

Lone Survivor: The Director's Cut (Playstation 3, PS Vita)

Having just wrapped my first playthrough of the PS Vita version, I am scared. Of this game. I urge horror fans, who have one of the game systems, to experience it. It's weird being a lone white guy in a strange world, with a grin on my face, popping a pill to fall asleep and having strange dreams, but enough about me. Let's talk about the eerily similar game. The real things that make this 2D, indie, survival-horror game scary are the amazing sound-effects and the fact that the protagonist of the game is clearly insane from the get-go.
Looks like a grin, eh? It's a surgical mask he's wearing because he's the supposed lone survivor in a post-apocalyptic city where monsters dwell. The mystery as to what's going on is slowly uncovered, as the protagonist shoots demons, has bizarre recurring dreams and occasionally talks to inanimate objects. It's clearly inspired by Silent Hill in various good ways. He travels through mirrors, descends into basements from hell, and fights enemies that are distorted and generally hard to identify.
If you happen to have a PS Vita and a PS3, one of the coolest features is both cross-buy and cross-save. You get copies for both systems if you buy one of them and you can load the same game no matter what system you're playing on, by uploading your save to a cloud. All in all, the game doesn't have the most satisfying endings (there are multiple), but it's the journey and not the destination. It's the best horror game I've played during this generation of gaming.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Merry Halloween... or whatever

Happy Halloween from me and this eccentric man in the William Shatner mask. Any normal person would've been down for the count after the first Halloween movie, so it's a good thing Michael was wired for such explosive action.
Halloween, the day when normal people can appreciate horror movies too. Or at least pretend to. Make sure to watch a horror movie at the end of the day if you and your friends are out partying, and if you're left out of the partying, then take the opportunity to drop a nice, relaxing deuce while reading an issue of Fango!

Friday, August 16, 2013

The Worst Idea for a Blog Post Ever

Yup, the worst idea for a blog post ever is making a blog post about the worst idea for a blog post ever. So here it is: HORROR: THE OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO a.k.a. if all your favorite horror icons made one terrific, terrible song (promoting movies they're plugging, of course). Oh god, I've seriously posted this? I feel naked right now. I feel like the white guy in the 90s band All 4 One, photobombing my black neighbors.
Speaking of terrible music, back to the idea. It would go something like, Clive Barker feat. Tobin Bell feat. Sid Haig feat. The Soska Sisters feat. Lloyd Kaufman.
Then the current crop of jackass hipsters like Ti West and David Bruckner as a backup a cappella group.
Play it straight boys (for once), no chaser! For the love of god, no chaser. And what about Ernest Dickerson as the Stevie Wonder of the group. But wait, there's another cameo! It's Robert Englund!
Mmmm... I wanna Miley all over his Cyrus. Let's get Brad Dourif in here for a Chucky rap!
Thank you to anyone who read the above. I just had to get all that out of my system.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Underrated Horror Movies of the Aughts (Part 1)

Your friendly neighborhood creeper here with a post regarding 2000s horror movies. I'm fixated on the last decade because it was a landmark period in horror. My last list about the 2000s dealt with overrated horror films, so I'm much more excited to talk about these. Without much further ado, here are some thoughtful thoughts about some overlooked masterpieces of the genre. I know I'm leaving out some great stuff, which is why this is only a first post. I still haven't seen some that are considered new classics like Enter the Void. And don't worry, I'll get to Calvaire, when I do my POS list.

Five Across the Eyes (2006)
So many insightful comments were hurled at this one and they went something like this: "Worst! Movie! Ever!" I guess I wouldn't expect the IMDB crowd to offer much more, but it's quite telling that so many people took the time to be so vocal about a movie that most will never see. It begins with a van full of high school girls on a dark stretch of road while on a trip. The movie has a fantastic sense of atmosphere, taking place completely within their van. Literally every shot of the movie is from within the van, which gives it an extremely tense and claustrophobic current throughout. Check it out if you haven't and give it another chance if you are an idiot who hated it. I know, I know, it looks like it was filmed on an iPhone. Big fucking deal; it's great and keeps you, like its characters, constantly on edge. The whole thing is currently on Youtube:

Izo (2004)
One of Miike's most torturous films that's just as unrelenting as its subject. It's the story of real life 19th century samurai Izo Okada. He was one of the most feared assassins in the history of Japan and we get to see why in this journey through his afterlife. The movie is like a stream of consciousness trip through Izo's unconsciousness that forces him to come face-to-face with never-ending demonic forces. He realizes he's met most of them before as he slices and dices his way into the next life. For all its blood and gore, Izo is a highly philosophical and spiritual karmic tale. Although I shouldn't be surprised. After all, it's a Japanese story about Japan's history of violence that weaves its spirit through time and space.

Sinful (2006)
A mind-tripping, trippy mind-trip into the tripped mind of Tony Marsiglia. Pretty trippy phrasing, eh? What I mean is filmmaker Tony Marsiglia truly poured his disturbed psyche into this one. He hadn't been known for being a by-the-book writer/director, but this was the first time he really seemed to aspire to hold nothing back. It still had plently of nudity required by producer Michael Raso of Seduction Cinema, but Marsiglia was at last able to do a film with Misty Mundae that wasn't sculpted around sexy situations. A slew of underground fans appreciated it too. It was a freeing project for everyone involved. Misty was beginning to become Erin Brown by spreading her wings in a part she could really get lost in. You'll feel lost as well by the time the credits roll, in a little world that strangely came alive.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Jess Franco R.I.P.

If there ever was an event worthy of a blog post, it's the death of Jess Franco. His cheapo films were always thought of as trash except near the end. In the end he is recognized as one of cinema's most prolific badasses because he always did exactly what he wanted.
Actress Lina Romay was his movie muse and the love of his life. After she passed away just this past year, there wasn't much left for him to do. Of course the stubborn Franco decided to stick around for a little longer, and then bow out.
He had his share of detractors, including yours truly, but ultimately left a huge impression. Congrats Jesus, you outlasted the bastards. See you at the big Drive-In in the sky.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

5 Worst Horror Quotes

You've heard 'em. These are instant signs of a movie you're about to regret watching, the flipside of my last post. This one soley exists to lash out at lazily-written horror, like V/H/S, which I just watched and contains many of these.

5. "Boo!"
The false scare.

4. "You're all gonna die."
Yuh huh.

3. "What the fuck was that!?"
Dude, seriously!

2. "What do you want from me!?"
Oh, you don't wanna know.

And lastly, we can always tell when this one is coming:
1. "This isn't funny you guys!"