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Friday, July 27, 2012

Social Critic Uwe Boll

Uwe Boll. The man. The myth. The legend... In his own mind.
A couple years ago he made a film more serious and less laughable than his previous "efforts." Uwe Boll's movie Rampage seemed to predict a kind of killer we are really inching toward in real life. A fully-armored American white guy going on a machine gun rampage. Did he see the Aurora theatre massacre coming as well as worse shootings? Perhaps there's more to Uwe Boll than meets the eye?
Uwe Boll, true artist predicting the worst for America? Or prolific urinary tract infection personified in human form, trolling us all? Probably the latter, but only time will tell.
In the movie, this young suburban guy with armor randomly kills innocents. He makes up his own crazy reasons for the killings being justified, of course, just like all killers. I'm sure I'm not the first one to notice this parallel, but it's a bit frightening nonetheless.
Will we one day say that great patriot Uwe Boll saw it coming? Time for Uwe Boll to ring in on all of this, with his thick accent and slight fetal alcohol speech affects. Where are you when we need you?

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Worst Movies Ever #8

The Freshman (1990)

No, it's not as bad as it looks. It's worse. And no that isn't a wax statue of Brando, that's actually him. I think.
Okay so this one isn't even horror related but I just saw it the other day and I hate it oh so much. I blame it on Mathew Broderick. His complete lack of any kind of anything skills make this movie practically a parody of a parody. Except for that nothing really happens that evokes the slightest chuckle. It isn't funny or dramatic really. I don't know what it is, I could barely even finish it. Not even being high helps watching Marlon Brando reverse all respect I had for him. He plays a pseudo-gangster who imports Komodo dragons for consumption. There are far too many observations (jokes?) in the movie about how Brando's character looks like Vito Corleone. Broderick finds himself running Brando's errands and chasing Komodo dragons.
I was just as puzzled as this Komodo dragon is. And probably about as puzzled as most Komodo dragons are every day of their days. Every scene is just so worthless. I can't believe this ever got passed the script-on-napkin stage. Cross the aisle in the video store when you see it.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Web Show - 'Inside Horror'

Check out Inside Horror on the Youtube channel 'thestreamtv' or by just searching Inside Horror. It's a horror news and talk show that interviews all kinds of horror legends. There's lengthy interviews with filmmakers like John Landis and Joe Dante and stars like Jeffrey Combs.
In the Combs interview he delves into playing Edgar Allen Poe and working with directors like Stuart Gordon on other movies. He promotes the new horror film he is in called "Would You Rather," with Brittany Snow and Sasha Grey. It's looks pretty dark and entertaining from the trailer shown and from what Combs says. Also, you can't turn anything down with Brittany Snow in it.
Also as a regular on the show as a horror news anchor is Rebekah McKendry who is also Fangoria's director of marketing. McKendry also just won the Best Director award at the Viscera Film Fest for the short film The Dump.
So check out the show. Here's the channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/thestreamtv

Monday, July 2, 2012

The Squeeze (1977) Review


Here's a rather obscure exploitation flick that's surprisingly not bad at all. It stars 70s bad movie staple, I mean B-movie staple Stacy Keach. He's got a girl's name, hehehe. It also stars Carol White. Don't worry, she's not also a dude. The movie is basically a hostage caper where the mother of Keach's children is kidnapped.
These British blokes kidnap the hot mama and her daughter Hagatha. Or Lila, I mean. Nevermind I can't remember the name. But the mom is Jill and she's in deep trouble if her rich husband and her ex-husband, detective Stacy Keach, don't save her soon. We're shown that these gangsters are really ruthless guys despite their dapper appearances. Luckily Keach is a private investigator. The only problem is he's also an ill drunk in need of desperate help. Will he and Jill's husband be able to keep the mobsters from taking Jill's life and possibly her dignity as a woman? It doesn't look good as Keach spirals deeper into alcoholism.
To make matters worse, the head mobster begins to notice how attractive Jill is. For the moment though, he keeps his eye on the prize. The prize is the money he's trying to extort from the rich husband. The criminals also have a history with Keach's ex-cop character, but they don't even know he's Jill's ex. What a small world. Small world indeed; wherever I turn I come face to weathered-face with Stacy Keach.
I told you. There he is in an instructional video trying to teach you to habla espanol. But back to the good part, the bloody gangsters.
Eventually they get bored and instead of, say, brushing their teeth, they have some fun with Jill. Even though her retarded-looking daughter is right in the next room. Nasty boys.
The head mob guy decides to force Jill to strip for them. The movie then indulges in a fetish of a scene that caters to my number 1 favorite kind of exploitation scene. Jill is indeed forced to get naked and dance for the creepers. She might be under duress but they're more interested in what's under dat dress. She looks damn great doing it in this rather lengthy scene. It lingers and director Michael Apted succeeds at making it enjoyable.
The evil guy then takes her to bed. Jill is at her lowest point as Stacy Keach reaches much closer to finding her and the guys making the deal with her husband. There are several bumps in the road of course, mostly caused by Keach. Or rather his character. Unless they got him drunk and just let the cameras roll.
At the conclusion, the criminals put pantyhose on their heads and rob a vehicle full of money that the husband brings to them. They don't let Jill go because she knows what they look like. I won't spoil it for you because the conclusion is pretty great and tension-filled.
See?
Overall: I'd give it a 3 out of 5 as a movie and a 5 out of 5 as exploitation. It catered to my every disgusting need.