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Thursday, June 28, 2012

Take This Waltz (2012) Mini-Review


As Sarah Silverman would say, "This movie contains full-frontal Jewdity." That's the main reason this movie has attracted so much attention in the last year or so. It follows Michelle Williams as she gets torn between two very different white dudes. One is her husband (Seth Rogen) of a couple of years and the other is a guy who now lives just down the street. Sarah Silverman is thrown in as the sister-in-law of Michelle Williams, although there isn't much for her to do in this movie other than show her nice body.
There's a lot of lovey-dovey stuff between Williams and Rogen, who gets to play serious for once, until Williams decides to be with the more attractive guy. She breaks Rogen's heart and makes herself a very unlikable protagonist, even though her and the new guy have hardly any chemistry. She had way more on-screen chemistry with Ryan Gosling in Blue Valentine. This film concludes in a very bitter-sweet and bitterly boring way. I really never got the point of Sarah Silverman's character. She's kind of an interesting drunk, but she's only in two or three scenes. Luckily for us, one of those scenes makes the movie worth watching. I don't know about you, but I've long fantasized about what she looks like under those boyish stand-up comedian clothes.
All in all a well-acted and directed, but boring story about holding onto love. It's supposed to open in some theaters across America tomorrow. I recommend it as a rental only to those obsessed with Sarah. 2 out of 5.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Piranhaconda (2012) Syfy Movie


So was anyone watching TV last night and felt like torturing themselves by watching the "Syfy" channel? By the way, "Syfy"? What the *uck? Anyway, on the SCI-FI channel last night, there was an original movie that aired called "Piranhaconda." Oh yeaaaaah! Piranhas and anacondas gettin' freakay. How exactly would that happen? If the movie showed it, please let me know because I didn't see it. Especially let me know if it showed you fine slobs in graphic CGI detail.
I missed the movie for obvious reasons, but I'm gonna do my best to track it down now. Why? Because from the trailer, it has some insanely fine women in it. Like Rachel Hunter down there assuming the gorilla stance. I shouldn't be surprised though. That piranhaconda clearly want the huns who got buns.
The chick who really caught my eye was this chica right here:
Syd Wilder. Never heard of her, but she's a babe wouldn't you say?
Oh yeah, piranhaconda likes what he sees. High five big man! Oh, right... Anyway, this movie was directed by the one and only Jim Wynorski. That's right, the highly-esteemed director of classics like "Para-Knockers Activity." I sincerely hope he keeps Syd in his stable of whores. Sorry, that was crass. But c'mon, there's only one reason this movie exists. Well that and some sort of crap quota that Syfy annually needs to fill. I'm sure it'll be on DVD with some additional Wynorski footage soon.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Exploitation Women Spotlight #6

Tina Krause
Best known for:
"An Erotic Vampire in Paris" (2002)
"Vampire's Seduction" (1998)
"Vampire Vixens" (2002)

Tina was "discovered" at a Chiller convention in the mid-90s. She seemed to be attractive so the guys (or guy) over at WAVE asked her if she would like to be in a film. She said "yes" because she clearly didn't know what kind of movies WAVE was making. WAVE takes fetish requests and sells their no-budget nudie vids back to the public based on the requests. Once Tina did learn, she was totally game and subsequently adopted many monikers such as Tracey Lixx. They smartly didn't give her any time to think at that convention and shot her first video that very day. The rest is history.
Tina is actually an educated woman and has worked as a graphic designer and clothing model the whole time she has been an actress too. And boy has she acted in a lot. Through her New Jersey WAVE Productions connection, she began acting in EI Cinema movies in the 1990s and continued on taking bigger parts in their films through the end of its erotica days. Her career progressed with director Bill Hellfire's Factory 2000 fetish films and then the budgeted Seduction Cinema movies. Even after Misty Mundae (in the above picture) ended EI's heyday by ending her own career, Tina continued on doing every kind of low-budget cinema available. She is still WAVE's biggest star, but that can't be too rewarding of a position. What is rewarding however, is getting her own movie distributed. It turns out that during her EI Cinema days, she made time to actually make a movie of her own. It is finally surfacing just now.
It's gonna be released on VHS, but there's apparently only 50 copies. It is the first release from Mountain Oddities. Here's hoping for a wider release later on.
There's another recently released movie with Tina Krause and her friend the lovely Suzi Lorraine too.
Over the last two decades she has become a cult icon in b-movies. Her career high-point has to be getting to play herself in Frank Henenlotter's 2008 horror movie Bad Biology.
That's the poster. If you haven't seen it, it's a must. This girl doesn't look like she's slowing down anytime soon even though she is almost 42 now. Here's to a life in exploitation!
Can you believe the above picture?! That's right, a rare semi-clothed picture of Tina from an EI movie.