Thursday, April 26, 2012
Schoolgirls in Chains (aka Abducted):
The movie starts off introducing us to a crazy family who is storing chained-up girls (that might possibly be enrolled in a school) in their basement. The evil family has a retarded hick that pops into frame with the worst-looking David Letterman teeth ever. The hick and his brother pick up a hitchhiker with a broken down car named Sue. And wouldn't cha know it? They kidnap her bra-lessness. Pretty soon she is in the company of some helpless girls that are momentarily educationally-impaired. In a basement! A basement I could've sworn was the attic in The Sinful Dwarf.
Basement and/or attic of torture: Check!
Schoolgirls in chains: Errr, not exactly...
Perverted hick retard: Check!
Chase scene where an escaped captive is chased: Check!
Terrible camera work: Check!
Terror Circus (aka The Spiritual Sequel to Schoolgirls in Chains):
Yet another 70s horror movie, with unfitting poster art, that went by a bazillion titles. Despite its promotional images, it is the more tame of the two movies. It really has no onscreen gore or sex. Just a filmmaker and actors dancing around real exploitation. The plot involves PRETTY YOUNG WOMEN with a BROKEN DOWN CAR that HITCH A RIDE with a MALE CREEPER WITH BUSHIER HAIR ON HIS HEAD THAN HIS CROTCH.
The DELUDED PSYCHO with one-of-a-kind tricks up his polyester sleeves notices a psychical similarity between the main captive and his mother! So the obvious conclusion he comes to is that HIS CORPSE OF A MOTHER IS STILL ALIVE. She gains his trust and unleashes his chained-up monster father that comes out of nowhere. The monster takes issue with the boy in a rather hostile manner.
So there you have it. The MAMA'S BOYS COLLECTION from Code Red. It also contains trailers for other Code Red movies and two audio commentaries for Schoolgirls in Chains.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
First video rental stores like Blockbuster and now the stores that sell videos. They seem to be on their way out and the landscape is looking like a brave new world. Yeah right, when pigs fly!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Of course he is much more than just that, as he has proved with his masterpiece The Black Cat which wasn't just trashy fun. But it is definitely an honor worthy of being atop his beautiful resume.
I just watched Dolls for the first time and thought I would pay a little tribute to the big master. If you haven't seen Dolls, you can catch it on Netflix Instant. It's worth it. It's definitely an unappreciated Gordon masterwork with some surprising humor, mainly at the end.
The following are the reasons I am in love with horror's demented Uncle Santa Claus:
Show the beautiful leading lady naked at an appropriate time when we've become smitten with her: Check!
Hit us with some intense gore and/or a grotesque monster when we least expect it: Check!
Afford great effects even on a meager budget: Check!
Infuse tongue-in-check and cathartic humor that's oh so black: Check!
Use Jeffrey Combs every different which-way you can: Check!
The reason we haven't seen a movie from him lately is because his play "Nevermore" is touring the country with Jeffrey Combs as Edgar Allen Poe. Gordon has come full circle, as he began his career in the theater. In his young days, he actually locked a crowd of one of his plays inside the theater to add to the terror. Let's hope he comes to a town near you! I guess I better act naughty in this case to get on his naughty and nice list.