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Friday, February 24, 2012

Lina Romay in Women Behind Bars


Lina Romay, star of most of her lover Jess Franco's Women in Prison and Generally Women Without Clothes films. By now many know that it was announced Lina Romay passed away on February 15th from cancer. I watched my first Lina-starring movie less than a month ago. Needless to say, I am uber-late to the fanclub.
It's actually a bit reserved for a Jess Franco film. Although you will get to see the rest of what the above picture has to offer with her open shirt. There was a robbery plan to steal a treasure that went wrong and now Lina's the only survivor and she's in prison. Two men plan to visit Lina in prison and get her to tell them where the treasure currently is. They are like agents of some kind. Anywho, Lina remains tight-lipped, which you can literally see when a scene begins and ends by zooming in on her crotch. It is at least a good quarter of the way through the movie when she finally appears naked, which for Franco practically makes it a Pixar flick. When we finally see it, good God.
She gets vaginally tortured in prison, has a lesbian affair (duh), tricks the lesbian (duh), tricks the warden and tricks the viewer into sitting through the whole thing by carrying it with her beautiful self. Oh ya got me good! It's one Eurosleaze nasty so well paced and soothing to the eyes it should be the pilot for a show on the real classics called Trashterpiece Theatre. Too bad, she would've made a perfect host too.
From the sound of things, Lina was a unique woman in the sleaze film world. Franco has sadly outlived his love, but it's not surprising because the only thing he won't outlive are the cockroaches. After seeing Franco accept his Goya Award in 2009, they appeared close until the very end. She was young enough to be his daughter, but it was still cute. Well, not cute but.... Wait wait back up, Jess Franco got an award at an award show? Yep. There was even a lengthy montage of his entertaining films complete with nuns in prison and badly dubbed laughter. Franco even got a standing ovation! Who knew stuffy award shows were filled with so many stinkin' perverts.
Uh oh! Here we go again! Cue erotic version of Benny Hill theme.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Luck (TV Series) Review

Something glorious has happened. Okay okay here's my excuse for having this on my exploitation blog:
Last night's episode had Kerry Condon's nice titties. She's Irish.
If you think you have a brain, don't watch this show because most people who don't think they're stupid really are. For instance, I'm way smarter than any of you. So to the point, last night's episode also had some of the most pitch-perfect David Milch-ness. If you don't know who he is he was responsible for the writing on this show:
So as I was saying... there I was at Blockbuster, 14-years-old and hankering for something to jack off to. If you read beyond this sentence, you probably need a life more than I. So I rented Deadwood because it was on HBO! Shwing! Melville said: "The greatest poems in life spin against their drive," basically. David Milch often quotes that. Melville couldn't have said it better. The greatest moments in life are often accidents. So there I was with Deadwood, mindless jack-off material, right?
Back to last night's ep, I actually had tears streaming down my face at a montage/series-of-shots about half-way through. It was sexy. One of the things Deadwood never did, which I was muy thankful for, was use intense music to manipulate our emotions. Last night's Luck did this during the montage. The fact that this technique never ever ever works on me and it did last night to such a shocking degree just goes to show what a heart-puking masterpiece this show is. Even though it's only an acting performance, I think Nick Nolte isn't quite the wasted douchebag we thought he was. I've never loved horses quite this much. Two of them did die in the production of this epic, which is no doubt a tragedy, but apparently the horse-racing death rate is surprisingly high. All for the sake of art? These people have a heart, trust me.
In one scene after a racing victory, Nick Nolte's character talks to his ill-horse, addressing the horse's murdered father and asking him not to take his son because he couldn't handle both of their deaths on his hands. And Cougartown has a higher Metacritic average than this show.
Rating: High. Very.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Jesus Horror

Religion and horror have always gone hand in hand. Don't believe me? Well to hell with you! Just look at the images below! Warning: Post kinda contains sorta spoilers. Kinda. N stuff.

Hellraiser - Jesus Wept! I'll say!

Altered States - Jesus on cloth. Quick! Sell it on Ebay!

Strange Things Happen at Sundown - Jesus on a rug that a vampire lays on. I pray more people see this movie.

Anti-Christ - The movie's logo. It was the most Christy or Anti-Christy the movie got in imagery as I recall.
Except for this scene at the end.
Image courtesy of random Google Image search.

Carrie - The mother in Carrie. There's some kind of symbolism here. I don't quite get it. Boy I'm sure glad they didn't club me over the head with it.

Stigmata - Patricia Arquette in Stigmata. Holy shit she's hot. And a thoughtful exercise in subtlety once again.

Nun of That - Jesus's musical number. He's a superstar.

I'm sure there are some obvious images of Jesus I'm forgetting. Let me know. Seriously, leave a comment! Jesus Christ!