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Thursday, April 26, 2012

DVD Double Feature: Schoolgirls in Chains & Terror Circus

Schoolgirls in Chains (aka Abducted):

The movie starts off introducing us to a crazy family who is storing chained-up girls (that might possibly be enrolled in a school) in their basement. The evil family has a retarded hick that pops into frame with the worst-looking David Letterman teeth ever. The hick and his brother pick up a hitchhiker with a broken down car named Sue. And wouldn't cha know it? They kidnap her bra-lessness. Pretty soon she is in the company of some helpless girls that are momentarily educationally-impaired. In a basement! A basement I could've sworn was the attic in The Sinful Dwarf.
Hitch-hiker: Check!
Basement and/or attic of torture: Check!
Schoolgirls in chains: Errr, not exactly...
Perverted hick retard: Check!
Chase scene where an escaped captive is chased: Check!
Terrible camera work: Check!
Our heroine that could use some heroin gets acquainted with her new roommates. A poorly girl greets Sue with a generously whooping 'cough, cough.' At this point I believe it is usually customary for a schoolgirl in chains to reply, "Hello Cough Cough, my name is Sue." After she does get acquainted, she instantly escapes by tricking the retardo into playing hide and seek. And then she's brutally killed, of course. Within the first 20 minutes. Oh and did I mention that the brothers are under the instructions of their diabolical mother in a rocking chair? Just like in Mother's Day? The twist is established instantly because we never see her from the front. We just hear her voice when she talks to her sweet boys. Another woman eventually gets kidnapped and she's the one who frees them. You've seen this before and better. The sex/nudity is only in ugly rape scenes so look elsewhere for quality exploitation. The one stand-out that makes this movie funny is the bizarro soundtrack. A trumpet comes in during a completely unfitting scene, playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. You get the idea. If you don't, that's okay too.

Terror Circus (aka The Spiritual Sequel to Schoolgirls in Chains):

Yet another 70s horror movie, with unfitting poster art, that went by a bazillion titles. Despite its promotional images, it is the more tame of the two movies. It really has no onscreen gore or sex. Just a filmmaker and actors dancing around real exploitation. The plot involves PRETTY YOUNG WOMEN with a BROKEN DOWN CAR that HITCH A RIDE with a MALE CREEPER WITH BUSHIER HAIR ON HIS HEAD THAN HIS CROTCH.
It gives the viewer virtually no introduction to this dastardly villain. But that's okay, because honestly, do you wanna get to know this goof? As you guess by the title and his Austin Powers uniform, he FORCES THE CHAINED-UP GIRLS TO AMUSE HIM and perform in a circus. He's crazy and channels the retard from that last movie amazingly.
Then the big twist comes! Get ready people, it's a whopper! Don't say I didn't warn you about this spoiler!
The DELUDED PSYCHO with one-of-a-kind tricks up his polyester sleeves notices a psychical similarity between the main captive and his mother! So the obvious conclusion he comes to is that HIS CORPSE OF A MOTHER IS STILL ALIVE. She gains his trust and unleashes his chained-up monster father that comes out of nowhere. The monster takes issue with the boy in a rather hostile manner.

So there you have it. The MAMA'S BOYS COLLECTION from Code Red. It also contains trailers for other Code Red movies and two audio commentaries for Schoolgirls in Chains.

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