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Friday, July 22, 2011

Anthology or GTFO


It's been since the disastrous "Masters of Horror" follow-up "Fear Itself" that we've had a genre anthology show, so it's about time somebody stepped up. It's just too bad that the step-uppers aren't closer to the hearts of horror fans. Jamie Foxx and Method Man are two of the stars headlining the horror show "Night Tales." This Foxx produced show (not Fox thankfully) is being shopped around to different cable networks and has been for forever. I first read about it 7 months ago in Rue Morgue Magazine. The show will have 26 episodes over two seasons, with running times around 30 minutes. It'll be a hybrid of Tales from the Crypt and The Twilight Zone according to the producers but I'm guessing they're being a little generous. They also say that they are trying to appeal to the "Youtube audience," whatever the hell that means. Jamie Foxx wrote the pilot episode, which is oddly supposed to be a selling point. The hosts will be Denise Richardson and Stacey Dash.
This show just needs to be put on some network already. They have already filmed some of it in Los Angeles so they obviously know what kind of network can air their type of content. Stay tuned for more news on this. I'm sure there'll be more soon whether it's good or bad.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Real World Horror #1

Suicide or Homicide?

The English tabloid "News of the World" (owned by Rupert Murdoch) has been involved in a giant scandal involving hacking telephones. The man who tipped the world off to their illegal practices was Sean Hoare. The Guardian reported that he "told both that Andy Coulson, the NOTW editor who went to work for Prime 
Minister David Cameron as his communications head, was not only aware of the hacking activities, but personally directed Hoare to engage in those activities. He told the BBC that hacking was widespread in the newspaper industry."

Hoare was found dead today in his home outside of London. It is thought to be suicide as of right now. The answer: He meddled with the primal forces of nature.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Video Game Spotlight #1

Catherine (Playstation 3, Xbox 360)

It's a wild, adult game coming to North America on July 26, 2011. It seems to be sort of a puzzle and third person game that's centered around a noir type story about a guy who is being pressured to get married to his girlfriend Katherine when he unexpectedly becomes entangled in a torrid affair with a girl named Catherine. He begins to have nightmares that you have to play through in order to be able to wake up the next morning and continue the main story. The nightmares involve sheep people, monstrous giant babies, and other manifestations of fear in a terrifying dreamworld. It's developed by the same people who made the Persona game RPG series. It came out in Japan earlier in the year and is now being ported for us.
Some other cool aspects of it involve hanging with friends at a pub to work through problems and sifting through text messages, presumably from Kathy and Cathy. The two worlds you are pulled into remind of Silent Hill, among other freaky and original games. A great story involving horror and mysterious women is exactly what I like my video games to be wrapped around.

It's getting pretty good reviews so far.
IGN gave it a 9.0 out of 10.
PSM3 gave it an 8.0 out of 10.
Famitsu gave it a 35 out of 40.
Gameblog.fr gave it a 4 out of 5. They say it's pretty funny too.

It appears to have two different covers for the two consoles it's on. Here's the 360 one:

Here's a taste of what the game has in store.
And this.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Worst Movies Ever #5

Subspecies (1991)
This disastrous Full Moon franchise set a slew of other low-budget movies into motion. God help the 1990s.

These films, with their idiotic little stop-motion ghoul/vampire creatures, actually acquired a bit of a following. I guess people were just really hungry for horror movies in the 90s. The 80s seemed to revitalize everyone's love for the macabre. But there actually were plenty of great underrated horror movies in the decade that followed! People bitch too much about how shitty the genre got in this decade, but it just got a bad wrap because of a few pieces of shit that somehow became noteworthy; I'm looking at you Scream.

I've actually become so worked up thinking about how much money talentless people can make on crap like this that I've begun to have a panic attack that's led me to listen to Peter Frampton's Show Me The Way, on an endless loop. Damn you Charles Band! (Band is the creator of Full Moon Pictures).
It's too bad because Full Moon was previously called Empire Pictures and released good stuff under that name like 1985's Re-Animator. The transition to Full Moon certainly doesn't help the reputation of the 90s. Although, they weren't all this bad.
Rating: 0 out of 5. And they made 4 sequels too!
One of the series has William Shatner's daughter Melanie in it. That's her. Handsome woman.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Toxic Avenger 5 Teaser Trailer!

The Toxic Avenger 5's teaser stars Toxie and #1 Horror Hottie Suzi Lorraine (the blonde).
You've got your actress, now make the fucking movie Lloyd.

No, not her dickhead!

Her! If you want to brush up on her work I suggest seeing Muffy the Vampire Slayer. Also this:

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Hard Rock Zombies (1984) Review


Well now.. Hard Rock Zombies.... riiiiight. I rented this from Netflix because it was listed on Cracked.com as one of the weirdest horror movies in existence.
It begins with a band of "Rock and Roll" (which hasn't been said since the 1970s) guys stopping in a Podunk hick town. The good ol' boys of the town don't want no god dang musichians around their parts, so they set out to kick them out. The band is also staying with a family of killers/werewolves/midgets in the town that secretly aim to kill them. They eventually do kill the guys of the band and the leader of the family turns out to be none other than Adolf Hitler.
The oddest and most uncomfortable part of the movie has nothing to do with that however. The band leader falls in love with a 12 year old girl in the town who ends up resurrecting them with a song that raises the dead. This romance, between the guy who looks like he is 40 and the little girl, is approached as sweet and completely normal, which is the real oddity of the film.
Anyway, the resurrected zombie band kills the family who are then Nazi zombies. Whoever they bite turns into a zombie and yadda yadda yadda.
It all results in a badly lit movie that isn't that funny or entertaining. It has some moderately good gore, but its pointless, ugly, incoherentness makes you reach for the fast forward button, or the R2 button on your PS3 controller in my case.

So that's it kiddies. No laughs, no tits, no worthwhile nastiness or well-drawn-out characters. In fact, there's a deformed dwarf that doesn't talk and adds less than nothing to the movie. He's like the Towelie of the movie, if you drew attention to the fact that he's the worst character ever, he'd respond "I know." And then admit, "I have no idea what's going on." Rating: 1 out of 5. One of the songs was kinda catchy.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Top 10 Tales from the Crypt Hotties

The number one reason to rewatch some Tales from the Crypt! More great females of the 1990s! The women on this list are not necessarily the hottest women in the show. Instead, this list ranks the women who are the hottest in their respective episodes.

1) Michelle Johnson in Season 3's Split Second. Also see her in Waxwork.
2) Patricia Arquette in Season 2's Four-Sided-Triangle. Also see her in Lost Highway and True Romance.
3) Teri Polo from Season 6's Revenge Is the Nuts. Also see her in Northern Exposure and Meet the Parents. Although I advice against seeing Meet the Parents or the sequels at all.
4) The Twins from Season 4's Split Personality.
 5) Brooke Shields from Season 5's Came the Dawn. Also see her in Alice, Sweet Alice and The Blue Lagoon.
6) Nina Siemaszko from Season 5's Creep Course. So I've got a thing for nerds, don't pretend you don't! Also see her in Wild Orchid II.
7) Lysette Anthony from Season 5's Forever Ambergris. Just see her in this, trust me.
8) Sherrie Rose from Season 4's On a Deadman's Chest and Season 6's Only Skin Deep.
9) Kate Vernon from Season 5's Till Death Do We Part. Also see her in Dangerous Touch.
10) Traci Lords from Season 5's Two for the Show. Also see her in.. well, ya know.