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Thursday, April 21, 2011

Evil Toons (1992) Review

This sleaze flick actually starts off with David Carradine hanging himself! When I picked this out I wanted something erotic, not auto-erotic!
Awww, Carradine... He died the way he would've wanted, with a handful of wood.  Nobody thought he'd really kill himself, but David meant business, he wasn't just dicking around! That old man was well hung! Zing!

The movie's plot centers around 3 attractive sorority sisters that come to spend the night in an old house with a haunted book. Why are they staying in an old house to begin with? Fuck if I remember. But an evil and horny cartoon monster begins to terrorize the girls. The hottie in the group assumes the dork role and the token creepy old man kinda butts in on the role. It would've been appropriate for her to say, "I'm workin' this side of the street!" They also apparently shop at the same EyeMart. Or maybe they're just hipsters.
See? That's her. Megan the dork. She dances shyly in this scene and later we get to see the heat she's packin' under there. Megan gets taunted by the other girls, who don't look college-age like her, so they come off as more like wicked stepmothers. They even call her kid!

Speaking of bad casting, when the slutty girl's boyfriend finally arrives for a quickie, an Al Capone-looking guy walks in the door. This guy couldn't be any younger than 43.
They cast this high school principal sum-bitch instead of a peppy, young football jock. When the couple gets it on, it's like some kind of bizarre, foreign incest porn.

I wonder if Carradine was actually jerkin' it to Megan's nude scene when he died?
The horny dogs, that the title refers to, send their victims' souls to hell. Cartoon hell? Or perhaps just career hell. And just in case the "Roger Rabbit" animation didn't make it clear, the girls' Cyndi Lauper and Axel Rose hair-don'ts club you over the head with the fact that this was made directly at the end of the "Me Generation" ('80s). The film only really comes off as a horror-comedy when Dick Miller is onscreen because he has the acting chops to pull the (mildly) subtle humor off.

All in all: 2.5 out of 5.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

SEX, SEX, SEX: Game of Thrones is a link to a new article from Entertainment Weekly intended to promote Game of Thrones, and it's once again about the sex in the show. Thrones is looking more and more like The Lord of the Rings meets Naughty Nurses from Neptune. Note: Naughty Nurses from Neptune doesn't exist, yet. I have high hopes that Jim Wynorski will get to it eventually when he's finally run out of ridiculous softcore names.

Watching the show, for a large part of the intended audience, will most likely go like this: Wait, who is he? Is he the guy that was just beheading that dwarf? Or is he the one who is married to that princess? Oh forget it, fap fap fap. Tune in tonight for the premiere.

And just to leave you very uncomfortable is a picture of Jim Wynorski and a creepy ginger kid.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Jeremiah Kipp Short Films

Indie filmmaker Jeremiah Kipp directed the horror film "The Sadist" starring Tom Savini. These are two of Kipp's short films.

This chick has issues. A young woman is "crestfallen" and attempts suicide. The main character mourns loss, but learns before it is too late that life might still have worth. The short looks good and not just because of lead actress Deneen Melody.

I do often wonder myself what it takes for us to really kill ourselves, and the film ponders this too. It accentuates the thoughtfulness of filmmakers that embrace the dark. Crestfallen isn't horror, but gripping and dripping with blood all the same. In her decision to stay alive in hardship, Melody portrays a character we can all relate to.


This short is a simple story that's made very haunting because of its visuals. Very few words are spoken and yet much is conveyed, I mean MUCH. A selfish girl learns what really matters, once again, after a bad trip. Her trip is so bad in fact that she experiences her own little horror film. Good directing from Kipp and really nice make-up effects from Daniel J. Mazikowski. This one turns extra nasty several minutes in and it was a smart idea to go with black and white on this one. The color scheme gives it a disconcerting noir feel.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Saturday, April 2, 2011

SEX, VIOLENCE, SEX: Game of Thrones

HBO's newest epic Game of Thrones will continue HBO's tradition of softcore porn, errrr, i mean great original one-hour dramas.  "But just as graphic as the decapitations is the serious amount of sex on display," according to Entertainment Weekly.  EW's article on the show headlines that Game of Thrones brings graphic sex and violence to TV (because apparently Entertainment Weekly is now Mr.Skin).

Now you want to tune in don't you? Or rip it if you don't have HBO. It starts April 17.