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Friday, September 16, 2011

Buffy Movie Cast List!

So here they are, the new cast of a reboot of a 8 year old TV show. What's next, the Lost reboot? Or why wait? Let's just do the True Blood reboot while it's still on!

Sarah Michelle Gellar's Buffy will be played by: Kristen Stewart because she has a stranglehold on vampire movies that don't require acting. And they both look like bitches.

We won't be getting anymore head. Antony Stewart Head's Giles will be played by: You guessed it. Frank Stallone.

This stutterin' prick: Nicholas Brendon's Xander will be played by: This stutterin' prick.

Alyson Hannigan's Willow will be played by: Jessica Chastain. Upgrade!

David Boreanaz's Angel will be played by: an even bigger douche, Dane Cook.

Charisma Carpenter's Cordelia will be played by: Charisma Carpenter. She needs the work.

James Marsters's Spike will be played by: Dexter Holland from The Offspring. But seriously, Spike better not be in the movie. Nobody can play him except for Marsters. I'm gay for Spike.

Michelle Trachtenberg's Dawn will be played by: Linda Blair.

Seth Green's Oz will be played by: Peter Dinklage.

The Gentlemen from the Buffy episode "Hush" will be played by: Michele Bachmann.


  1. Wow. Thanks. You just made my otherwise dull morning HILARIOUS.

  2. Well cast, sir, and that might be one of the few photos where I think Kristen Stewart looks pretty hot. It's the bitchy look.