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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Minty the Assassin (2009) Review


It begins immersing us in its comic book world with the Wikipedia definition of Fanboy, which I found amusing. It's too bad that the rest of it isn't as amusing. There's a lot of bad acting, bad effects and bad humor that follows, as well as actresses portraying sex symbols that aren't attractive. Basically, this assassin/super hero named Minty is trying to rescue her mentor and she keeps coming across other super heroes. Fight sequences ensue where people rip their own clothes and say "Hey, that was my favorite shirt asshole!"
Minty also uses chocolate as a power-up. Her nemesis "Double Delicious," har-de-har-har, supplies her with some of it early on, which is explained later. The movie also occasionally changes to an animated video-game set to game music, for no real reason. After she fights a bunny in one such sequence, she encounters one especially obnoxious cowboy who drones on and on about human senses before being gutted. When she reaches the main bad guy, the mentor is dead. He reveals to Minty that this was all an attempt to live out his fanboy fantasy and see her totally naked. He doesn't however and neither do we, despite there being a sex scene with Double Delicious near the end. You see, Double Delicious was being controlled by the main bad guy. Who cares? Not I. Not you. No one.
So basically the whole point of this movie was to titillate and make you laugh, both of which it fails at. Hard. It's too bad too because the video-game structure and the music were both promising. The lead actress grows on you too, but fails to deliver the goods. Rating: 1 out of 5.
I wasn't gonna subject you to this guy, but then I thought no, if I had to suffer through it so do you.

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