For any horror fans that have enjoyed the work of the writer/directors Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna and love the make-up effects of Screaming Mad George, don't see this. They were all obviously under the influence of something that made them suck at the time. Once again, this did not help the reputation of 1990s horror. It deals with alien babies and UFOs, but just look at the picture below! This cougar lady is abducted by a gang of Chuck-E-Cheese key chains. And the effects are made by the wonderful Mad George. He must've been getting tired of his job. I mean seriously, I've seen better looking blow-up dolls in my small town's pathetic Thanksgiving parade.
Friday, August 19, 2011
So Mandy Lane (Amber Heard) is a blossoming girl who is finally hot in high school. She goes to a party with her best friend Emmet and he tricks the cool guy at the party into jumping off the roof to impress Mandy. The idiot dies from the fall. But this is only the first atrocity because in the next five minutes they rape my favorite song. A muzak version of "Sister Golden Hair" is played in a car!
It turns out that Mandy was in on the kills the whole time. She convinced him to kill for her and that they'll commit suicide together. She kills him and pretends to the ranch-hand that she 'dealt' with the killer (Emmet) as they get away. The ending really does turn the tables on everything we've seen before, from the looks on Mandy's face to her timidness to indulge in spirits with them. The ranch-hand tells her she is different when he begins to fall for her. She replies, "I am different." I'll say! Now I love Mandy Lane too!
Rating: 4 out of 5.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
It begins immersing us in its comic book world with the Wikipedia definition of Fanboy, which I found amusing. It's too bad that the rest of it isn't as amusing. There's a lot of bad acting, bad effects and bad humor that follows, as well as actresses portraying sex symbols that aren't attractive. Basically, this assassin/super hero named Minty is trying to rescue her mentor and she keeps coming across other super heroes. Fight sequences ensue where people rip their own clothes and say "Hey, that was my favorite shirt asshole!"
Minty also uses chocolate as a power-up. Her nemesis "Double Delicious," har-de-har-har, supplies her with some of it early on, which is explained later. The movie also occasionally changes to an animated video-game set to game music, for no real reason. After she fights a bunny in one such sequence, she encounters one especially obnoxious cowboy who drones on and on about human senses before being gutted. When she reaches the main bad guy, the mentor is dead. He reveals to Minty that this was all an attempt to live out his fanboy fantasy and see her totally naked. He doesn't however and neither do we, despite there being a sex scene with Double Delicious near the end. You see, Double Delicious was being controlled by the main bad guy. Who cares? Not I. Not you. No one.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
A girl kills her parents in 1978, then we flash forward to her in a psychiatric hospital in 1989. She missed the entire Reagan era, how will she ever go on? She's then raped by a security guard and the next thing we know she is pregnant in the same hospital. Mary miscarries and decides to reek havoc. We're supposed to believe this 90-pound woman mutilates everyone in the hospital with her bare hands. Her stroke of good fortune continues when two stupid cops shoot her as she makes her way out of the hospital.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
This review is part of Forgotten Classics of Yesteryear's 50s Monster Mash Blogathon. I'm getting mine in a little late, as you can see that it officially ended yesterday.