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Thursday, April 21, 2011

Evil Toons (1992) Review

This sleaze flick actually starts off with David Carradine hanging himself! When I picked this out I wanted something erotic, not auto-erotic!
Awww, Carradine... He died the way he would've wanted, with a handful of wood.  Nobody thought he'd really kill himself, but David meant business, he wasn't just dicking around! That old man was well hung! Zing!

The movie's plot centers around 3 attractive sorority sisters that come to spend the night in an old house with a haunted book. Why are they staying in an old house to begin with? Fuck if I remember. But an evil and horny cartoon monster begins to terrorize the girls. The hottie in the group assumes the dork role and the token creepy old man kinda butts in on the role. It would've been appropriate for her to say, "I'm workin' this side of the street!" They also apparently shop at the same EyeMart. Or maybe they're just hipsters.
See? That's her. Megan the dork. She dances shyly in this scene and later we get to see the heat she's packin' under there. Megan gets taunted by the other girls, who don't look college-age like her, so they come off as more like wicked stepmothers. They even call her kid!

Speaking of bad casting, when the slutty girl's boyfriend finally arrives for a quickie, an Al Capone-looking guy walks in the door. This guy couldn't be any younger than 43.
They cast this high school principal sum-bitch instead of a peppy, young football jock. When the couple gets it on, it's like some kind of bizarre, foreign incest porn.

I wonder if Carradine was actually jerkin' it to Megan's nude scene when he died?
The horny dogs, that the title refers to, send their victims' souls to hell. Cartoon hell? Or perhaps just career hell. And just in case the "Roger Rabbit" animation didn't make it clear, the girls' Cyndi Lauper and Axel Rose hair-don'ts club you over the head with the fact that this was made directly at the end of the "Me Generation" ('80s). The film only really comes off as a horror-comedy when Dick Miller is onscreen because he has the acting chops to pull the (mildly) subtle humor off.

All in all: 2.5 out of 5.


  1. I couldn't tell whether to laugh or cry over the Carradine zingers, which is my way of saying "Job well done, good man." Though this looks horrifying. I do not understand the erotic appeal of cartoon characters. I think the furries in Avatar were quite enough for me.

  2. Thanks! Yeah it's an odd idea for a film for sure and it almost kinda works.