Sunday, May 24, 2015
A group of grad students and their strange professor take a trip to a remote cabin to document... er-herm... "paranormal activity." Things get scary, hallucinatory and a little erotic. But wait! The increasingly weird outing is actually within a dream-research experiment. It becomes a creepy, shared nightmare and their guide becomes less trustworthy. Original concept + small budget= Ripe remake
Thursday, April 2, 2015
UGH. Fuck you Robert Loggia. Fuck you Dustin Diamond. And fuck. You indie exploitation filmmakers. Both of those actors are actually in this no-budget, no-effort movie and they're the reason I watched it.
I lied. I clearly watched it for actresses Seregon O'Dassey and Suzi Lorraine.
HERE'S MY BEEF: Why oh why can't an exploitative indie horror mess that gives us the sleazy goods be technically well made? It's truly not hard! I took film courses in school, but you don't have to to make something that's well plotted, well photographed, interesting and most of all: passionate! Just because you have a little budget doesn't mean it has to be this amateur hour bullhockey. I'm speaking of indie exploitation. Indie horror, on the other hand, does it well all the time. Just look at the genius of 2011's Absentia which had a $70,000 budget.
On IMDB it lists this movie's budget as $1.2 million. That is not Japanese Yen. The only explanation is that it went towards paying Robert Loggia and the heroin Dustin Diamond injects in his taint.
And the humor... don't even get me started on the humor.
In short, I'm furious about what movies like this could be. And fuck you Tony Todd.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
10) Tuesday Knight as Kristen (A Nightmare on Elm Street 4)
9) Amanda Wyss as Tina (A Nightmare on Elm Street 1)
8) Kim Myers as Lisa (A Nightmare on Elm Street 2)
7) Monica Keena as Lori (Freddy vs. Jason)
Not a Nightmare movie, but I had to include Freddy Vs. Jason's final girl because it's goddamn Monica Keena. She couldn't save the movie but made it slightly more bearable.
6) Heather Langenkamp as Nancy (A Nightmare on Elm Street 1 & 3)
The original girl next door, Heather Langenkamp was not a classic beauty, but her fearlessness and wits used against Freddy made her sexy. She was Freddy's first formidable foe and her struggle couldn't help but make you feel protective. Look past the Robert Plant hair in Nightmare 3 and you've got yourself an unconventional horror babe.
5) Lisa Zane as Maggie (Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare)
4) Stacey Alden as Nurse Marcie (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3)
3) Patricia Arquette as Kristen (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3)
2) Jennifer Rubin as Taryn (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3)
1) Lisa Wilcox as Alice (A Nightmare on Elm Street 4 & 5)
Honorable Mention: Roseanne Barr as Tom's Arnold's sweaty girlfriend
Friday, February 27, 2015
Google won't ban blogs with adult content after all! It took a full three days to reverse everything they threatened you with. However, the service still sucks and the future of their neutrality could be in jeopardy.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Welcome to the 3rd (annual?) fake lesbies, hosted by Mr. Xploit. Carson Daily couldn't be here because I tried to call his agent and the line has been disconnected by NBC.
First up, those feisty Frenchmen from "Blue is the Warmest Colour," Adele Exarchopoulos and Lea Seydoux.
With all the contact they made in the film, could they be real lesbians?
It would seem so until...
Dammit! Oh wait, that's just their director, Barack Hussein Obama.
Juliette Binoche is in a new movie where she falls for Kristen Stewart. Surprise, it's French too! What a wonderful land. Free health care and lesbians as far as the voyeuristic eye can see! Perhaps Mr. Xploit was French in a previous blog.
On the other side of the world, let's see what Uncle Lloyd's got cooked up in Tromaville.
It's his latest opus, "Return to Nuke 'Em High." The new film is split into two freaky volumes.
Sundance this past year introduced us to "The Summer of Sangaile," about a young girl interested in flying who meets another girl with a similar interest. The rest will be history once it's on Netflix.
Hashtag I've run out of pictures.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
I invoked Ebert because the one review I found of this film was the most laughably biased essay you can imagine. Their head was so far up the filmmaker's ass, they could easily be mistaken for a rectal polyp. "It is a good film that succeeds due to focusing on the human condition," it read.
It's a twist-oriented short about a violent cycle of events involving a mysterious dealer and a domestic disturbance. However, what's a real mystery about the film is that the "cycle" isn't fully explained. I'm guessing the unfinished plot is meant to be continued in some manner because there's a villain that's clearly motivated, but we aren't told what the motivation is. If there was more backstory, it would've gone toward making the audience care about the characters. I kept waiting for a backstory about a sleazy murder, a sleazy stripper, or perhaps a sleazy blogger that's self-loathing, self-referential and obsessed with self-hyphenating.
But if the brisk film is just a tonal prelude to something bigger, it does a good job of building tension over a mere two and a half minutes, sans credits. It has brief flashback shots, helping to move things along and building the tension. Because of its running time, saying much more would be a spoiler. All in all, it wasn't boring and it's slickly shot too. I understand the filmmaker has some full features in the works and a new voice is always enticing.